The Last Avengers Story, Chapter 9

Avengers Forever aka Die Hardest

Chapter Nine: Der Tag. Der Meeting.

Present Day - Mulberry Luxury Retirement Center in Tibet-By-The-Sea

John Gascoine's eyes darted this way and that desperately, but there was no place he could run (fast enough) and no place he could hide from the very large, very loud woman in front of him. There was one solution (a quick karate chop across the throat) but he was too much of a gentleman to do it and besides there were too many witnesses.

He'd been up betimes with some of the other residents of the Retirement Center, practicing Tai Chi on the 13th tee of the quite, quite fantastic miniature golf course. It was a morning exercise regimen that Cathy Gale had suggested when she'd visited Steed there for the first time a couple of years ago, and the residents had taken to it. Like true Britons, they'd continued to do the slow, steady movements even as he'd been button-holed by the very large woman dressed in a nurse's outfit, looking like a Scottish dreadnought.

''Och, Mistair Gascoine,'' she'd said cheerily, pinching his cheek, ''I'm glad to see thee up and about this marnin. Let me introduce myself. I'm your...'' she dropped her voice to a terrifyingly throaty whisper, ''birthday present.'' She beamed at him.

''I...I don't think it's my birthday today,'' Gascoine said feebly.

''Och, ye darlin' man. Of course it is. Yer friends will be coming to see thee tonight, and I'm here to get you ready. I'm to give you a complete physical checkup, ginger you up a bit, tho I must say...'' she ran her eyes up and down and smiled quite terrifyingly, practically a leer, Gascoine thought.

John Gascoine was quite a connoisseur of women, and found beauty in all shapes and sizes, but the dreadnought in front of him was not only too, too daunting but too dreadful as well, with very white teeth which she flashed at him and a gleam in her eyes that he did not like at all. Not this early in the morning, and he hadn't had his first glass of champagne yet.

''Let's go, Mistair Gascoine,'' she said, taking his arm and practically yanking him off his feet.

''I...really, I...I don't think I caught your name,'' Gascoine said, feebly.

''I'm Nurse Pray,'' she told him.

''Pray? What a nice and...er..appropriate name, Nurse. But you see, Nurse, I don't have time for a checkup this morning. There's been a special outing planned for us - for some of us here, I mean to say, for the ex-military men here, to go to see the Naval Base...and the bus is going to be leaving in half an hour. I can't possibly miss it, but of course I can't ask you to come. Ladies aren't interested in military things, are they, and we'll be gone quite four or five hours, I'm sure.''

''Och, ye darlin' man,'' Nurse Pray brayed. ''How can ye say such a thing? Me own father trod the decks and had a heart of oak, didn't he?'' She broke out into a terrible falsetto: ''Hearts of oak are our ships, jolly tars are our men, we'll all stand together, steady lads steady.'' She thumped her chest, ''We'll fight for our honor again and again!''

''It will be a joy to visit your wee Naval Base,'' she told him. ''I'll serenade the darling passengers - I know quite a lot of sea chanties, you know. In fact I'll lead us all in song.''

After hearing that, Gascoine looked around wondering if any of his fellow Tai Chi-ans were ready to jump on the woman, but either they hadn't heard her terrible promise or they weren't going on the tour and had no pity for those who were.

''Nurse Pray,'' Gascoine drew himself up, ''I can deceive you no longer, much as I was tempted at first sight. But you're too kind, I can't do it. I am not John Gascoine. You have the wrong man. I think he's out for his early morning constitutional - you might try the 18th hole.''

She waggled a finger at him. ''Ye can't fool me, me friend. You were described to me...tall, dark and handsome, they told me you were.''

''How kind of them,'' Gascoine said.

''Yes, wasn't it. Now, into your room with ye, and let's have you out of those clothes.''

Gascoine put his arms across the door jamb. ''Nurse Pray, no. Thirty minutes, you remember. Only thirty minutes before the bus leaves. We can't possibly do anything in thirty minutes that would justify entering my room and removing my clothes.'' He paused, but he couldn't help it. ''Or yours, either,'' he said with a roguish wink.

''Och, ye daaaarrrrrrrrrlin man,'' Nurse Pray simpered. She put her arms around him, actually lifted him up a couple of inches, and carried him back onto his bed where she landed on top of him.

Her face was so close that Gascoine was forced to gaze into her eyes...''Mrs. Peel!'' he cried.

The large woman on top of him started to laugh. She rolled off him onto the floor and her body shook with mirth.

''Mrs. Peel!'' Steed said reproachfully.

''Oh, I'm sorry, Steed, I...'' she dissolved into laughter.

Steed got off the bed, and closed the door. He leaned his back against it. ''Right,'' he said meaningly.

''No, Steed.'' For all her bulk, Emma rose to her feet lithely. ''We've only got thirty minutes, remember.''

''Only thirty minutes?" Steed said, his eyes narrowing. ''I don't think I like the way you said that. I'll have you know...''

''No, no,'' Mrs. Peel said, ''But it'd take me half an hour to get out of this costume, and half an hour to get into it again. And we can't miss that bus, remember.''

''I wouldn't mind if we missed it,'' Gascoine said sulkily.

''But I don't want to miss my chance of annoying everyone on the bus with my rendition of Hearts of Oak.''

Gascoine laughed. ''I always knew you were a frustrated actress, Mrs. Peel.''

They embraced, and then arm and arm walked out of the room. Mrs. Peel, remembering her ole as nurse, disengaged her arm quickly.

''Let's go see Admiral Forrestal,'' Gascoine suggested. ''He's the big cheese, the head Stilton, who managed to wangle us this tour of the Naval Base, and the latest battle cruiser called The Triton. I'm looking forward to seeing that.''

''Lead on, Macduff,'' Nurse Pray said in her penetrating voice. ''I'll be delighted to meet the dear man.''

''And he'll be delighted to meet you, I'm sure.''